For Teddy
by vivehp
Summary: This is Tonks' and Lupin's story. I have always loved the character of Tonks and wanted to dive more deeply into her past, and as Lupin is such a big part of her life I decided to write about when she met him. Please review!
1. Guard Meeting

**Tonks jumped up from her seat, running around the side of her desk. "Really? Oh, yes, I would be delighted!" she shouted.**

** "****Wonderful," said Kingsley, also smiling broadly. "Mad-Eye is having a meeting about the details in an hour." He lowered his voice, "Be sure to bring something to eat."**

**Tonks laughed as Kingsley walked away. She was going to be on Harry Potter's security detail! She had almost been positive she would be. She had put her name down long before anyone else, she was in the Order, and she was Kingsley and Mad-Eye's protege. Still, it was so great to be sure. She closed her eyes, and transformed her hair from the long, white-blond curls she had been sporting to very short, very violet hair. She looked in the small hand mirror she kept in the second drawer, amidst empty packages of Drooble's, binder clips, paper clips and multi-colored hanging file folders she could never be bothered to use. It really was a very violent shade of violet. Well, she'd wait and see how she liked it.**

**Harry Potter's security detail! Tonks didn't feel equal to sitting down and continuing work. She felt like running the length of the building several times. That wasn't very dignified, however. She decided she'd send an owl to her parents instead, telling them what had happened.**

**On her way back up, she stopped in at the Ministry dining hall, buying a small tureen of soup and brought it back to the Auror offices. Lunch was supposed to be in two hours, presumably they would go after Mad-Eye's presentation, but Tonks knew Kingsley's advice was worth following. Moody was very dedicated to security.**

**Barely able to contain herself enough to do the paperwork that needed doing on several closed cases, Tonks was more than relieved when she was called into the meeting room.**

**There were quite a lot of people in there. She wasn't surprised. Mad-Eye always had a reserve on the off-chance all of the first line would be wiped out. She had rolled her eyes at this on the first few missions she went on with Mad-Eye, but when he told her it had actually happened to him when guarding the Minister back when You-Know-Who was powerful, she understood a little better and at least tried to not let Moody see her roll her eyes, which was difficult in regards to that freaky eye of his.**

** "****Settle down," said Moody and everyone fell quiet, turning to face the front.**

**Moody began to go over the plan. It was quite basic. Go to the Muggles' house (why the most important boy in England had to live with Muggles was anyone's guess. Tonks didn't care that they were Muggles, but the things she had heard about these ones made her wonder at Dumbledore's sanity. Of course, almost everything Dumbledore did made her wonder at his sanity.), bring him to the Weasleys' on brooms. Easy-peasy.**

** "****We need to get them out of the house. They cannot know we are coming to get the Potter boy, and they especially cannot know we are taking him by magical means. Any suggestions?"**

**Doris suggested Confunding them while each one was out of the house, so they didn't return until they were gone. This was greeted with noncommital murmurs. It wasn't a bad plan, but without someone there to watch them, it would be difficult to be sure the spell stuck.**

**A very shabby-looking wizard, with graying blond hair spoke up from the back of the room. Tonks, who was sitting in the front, turned around.**

**"****The Dursleys are very proud. If you know anything of the non-magical population, think of that. They are the most non-magical people you could think of."**

**Tonks thought. Her father was Muggle-born. She had been to visit his family of course. They cared about the oddest things. They had all kinds of strange appliances, things like coffee makers that plugged into the wall, and weird boxes called televisions. It was very strange. She had even watched one of the televisions with her grandfather. They had moving pictures like the papers, it was quite funny to see them talking. Tonks had laughed almost the whole time.**

**"****How about they win some sort of competition?" she asked. "Perhaps that man could tell us what sort of competition they would be most likely to go to?" She turned around and raised her eyebrows at him, smiling.**

**He smiled back, though it was a tired kind of smile. She liked him. He was quiet and soft-spoken. Not like anyone else in this room. He had a sort of thoughtfulness about him.**

**"****Perhaps...something to do with lawns."**

**"****The All-England Best Suburban-Lawn Competition," said Tonks, grinning, turning back around to face Mad-Eye.**

**He looked at her with both eyes and smiled, twisting his face around in ten different directions. It was a startling face, but Tonks had come to love it as much as her father's.**

**"****Well, Tonks, why don't you go write that letter? Be sure to send it by Muggle post."**

**She grinned. "Yes, sir." She jumped out of her seat and left the meeting room. She walked to her desk and sat down to write a letter. She was going to have to have it typed. She pulled her wand out of an inside pocket in her robes and conjured a typewriter and paper. She inserted the paper as her father had shown her to, many years ago, when she had stumbled into his office to show him a toad she had caught, something her mother had been less than thrilled to see.**

**She began typing the letter, trying to keep it as toneless and pompous as she could. She was pleased with the end result. She thought about bringing her cloak but decided against it - it had been unbearably hot this summer. Then she realized she needed Muggle clothes. **

**She went to the locker rooms and opened her locker. She had a Weird Sisters T-shirt and jeans that she kept for occasions just like these. She changed and walked back to her desk, folding the letter and almost sealing it by magic before remembering Muggles used envelopes. She wondered if she would need the typewriter to type the address, but couldn't think how to get the envelope in where the paper would go without smudging any ink, so decided to at least handwrite the address.**

**Tonks stopped at the front desk on the way out and spoke to Eric the security wizard.**

** "****Eric, I'll need some Muggle money," she said.**

** "'****Ow much?" he asked, looking bored, and tapping a register with his hand. It slid open, revealing foreign currencies, both wizard and Muggle.**

** "****Dunno, I'm sending a letter by Muggle post. I don't suppose you know how much a stamp and envelope cost?"**

**Eric gave her a look that showed quite clearly how disdainful he was of working knowledge in the Muggle world. She didn't roll her eyes at him with great difficulty.**

** "****Fine, just give me five pounds then." She handed over a Galleon. Eric handed her a fiver and her change in wizard money. She stuck the fiver and the letter in her back pocket and walked over to the fire places. She grabbed a bit of Floo powder sitting in small, ornately wrought brass pots situated next to each fireplace.**

**That shabby-robed wizard had been pretty good-looking, she thought, as she stepped out of the fireplace into her London flat. She made herself a properly large lunch, and tried not to think of his pleasantly quiet voice as she ate. It wouldn't do to have a crush on someone she was about to work with, although it would have been nice to know how he knew that Potter kid. Or even to know his name.**

**She was being silly. By the look of his graying hair and the wrinkles around his eyes and mouth he was quite a it older than she. Tonks finished her lunch, washed up, then went outside. She thought she knew where the post office was. She had to stand in line for almost an hour, it was most inconvenient.**

**It was almost time for everyone to go home by the time she got back to the office. She still had all those files to work on as well. Knowing it was going to be a long night, she went to the break room and made herself cup of tea. Kingsley and Mad-Eye were in there, along with the wizard that had taken up most of her thoughts that afternoon.**

** "****Wotcher," she said brightly, pouring boiling water into a mug over a tea bag, and nodding at the gentlemen at table.**

** "****Tonks, come over here a minute."**

**Tonks hurriedly added milk and sat down across from the wizard.**

** "****Tonks, do you know Remus?" asked Kingsley.**

** "****No, I don't believe we've met," she said, smiling at the man.**

**He smiled back, the same kind of tired smile. Tonks wondered what could make one person so tired.**

** "****I'm Tonks," she supplied.**

** "****Remus Lupin, it's a pleasure to meet you. I've been hearing nothing but your praises since I arrived at the office."**

**She grinned, blushing a little. "Well, I was trained by the best," she supplied, sipping her tea and burning herself quite badly, causing her face to flush an even deeper pink.**

**Skipping over her embarrassment, or perhaps unaware of it, Moody broke in. "Remus was a teacher at Hogwarts. Took the Defense classes the year before me," he said. "He knows the Potter boy well."**

** "****I was wondering why you knew the Dursleys so well," said Tonks. "I was starting to think you used to go round for dinner or something."**

**Lupin's smile suddenly became a lot less tired. "I don't think they would invite my kind within a mile radius of their house."**

** "****No, it doesn't sound as though they're too keen on wizards. Did they really lock up Harry Potter in a closet under the stairs? I'd think the entire wizarding community would have had a revolution if they'd known," she said.**

** "****Yes, their treatment of Harry has been quite dastardly," said Lupin. " don't believe he has known much kindness before going to Hogwarts."**

**They all sat in silence and contemplated this.**

** "****I don't know this is appropriate conversation for the Ministry these days," said Kingsley and he stood up. "I have a lot of work to get done tomorrow morning. Evening," he said, bowing and he left.**

** "****Hang the Ministry," said Moody, but he stood up as well. "I'll see you all on Tuesday then," he said and left.**

** "****I should be going as well," said Lupin, but he didn't stand immediately.**

** "****Oh, no stay, please, if everyone leaves I might have to start filing."**

**Lupin laughed. "I suppose I could stay a moment."**

**Tonks asked him if he wanted a cup of tea and got up to make him one before he answered, sending her own mug of tea flying through the air as if by magic.**

**Lupin flicked his wand and the hot liquid splashed back into the cup before hitting the table, the mug settling gently back on the table.**

**Tonks laughed. "That was marvelous! You must show me how to do that, it would be the saving of me. I'm dead clumsy." She pointed her own wand at the kettle and it began steaming and whistling at once. She made Lupin a cup and sat back down across from him.**

**They started discussing the plan, and quickly moved on to Defense against the Dark Arts in general. It was fascinating. She knew quite a lot already, from her own training as an Auror and being mentored by Alistor and Kingsley, but Lupin seemed to know much more about Dark creatures than she did. **

** "****Oh my," said Lupin, a faint chiming emitting from his robes. He pulled out a very battered fob watch and flicked it open. The clasp on it seemed to be broken, so it didn't snap closed."It's really quite late, I hadn't realized."**

** "****What's the time?" she asked.**

** "****Nearly half one. I must be going. It was lovely to meet you, Nymphadora."**

**She started. No one called her that. She certainly hadn't told him that was her name. Mad-Eye or Kingsley must have told him. "It's Tonks, actually," she said, blushing. For some reason she could not fathom, she had actually kind of liked the way her name sounded when he said it.**

** "****My apologies. I shall see you on Tuesday."**

**She nodded at him and he bowed slightly then swept from the room. He had looked much less tired as he took his leave than he had when she had seen him at the meeting.**


	2. Order Meeting

The next day was Saturday. Tonks went in to the Ministry after having breakfast, having so thoroughly neglected the mountain of paperwork on her desk the night before. She didn't mind going in on the weekend. In fact, Tonks went in most weekends. She had been single-minded in attaining a position as an Auror and she was equally single-minded in becoming one of the best. She would not rest until she had a huge, magical blue eye to replace one that had been carved out by a Dark wizard.

When she arrived, Kingsley was also there. He was hot on a lead about Sirius Black, and was seen talking to a reporter from the _Daily Prophet_, who was busily scribbling notes in short hand. Tonks could only assume the reporter was embellishing quite a bit, as Kingsley's slowly paced speaking style could not warrant such furious writing.

She smiled and waved at him and continued on to her own cubicle, saying hiya to all she passed. They were a dedicated lot. It was one of her favorite things about this department.

Tonks began. It was mindless really. A lot of ticking of boxes. Once in a while, she needed to write a statement, but as she filled out form after form after form, she allowed her mind to wander freely as she put a check mark here and an initial there.

She would be going to her first Order meeting tonight. She had never been to a proper one, because of the nature of the case she had just closed. She had been working mad hours with Dawlish on the trail of a wizard who was doing a roaring trade in illegal dragon eggs. It had turned out the man they were seeking wasn't even in London, so Tonks had spent 60 hours a week in Romania. It hadn't left a lot of time for subversive secret societies. Kingsley had mostly kept her up to date whenever she had a spare minute when she wasn't sleeping.

She was already halfway through her pile when Kingsley's reporter swept past her, grinning from ear to ear, writing his article as he walked. Kingsley strode out of his office a few minutes later, also smiling. He stopped at Tonks's desk, and, appearing as though they were talking about something as boring as the weather, Tonks asked, "So my darling cousin is in…"

"Last I heard he was in Taiwan. It's lovely there this time of year."

Tonks laughed. "Perhaps Black will be in a better temper with a bit of a tan."

Kingsley laughed too, it was a deep, loud laugh that always startled the whole office. Tonks saw several Aurors jump and turn around guiltily.

Kingsley excused himself and walked away, leaving Tonks to continue on with the paperwork and her thoughts.

She couldn't wait to see Dumbledore again. He was such a funny man. It was very interesting and very weird to be around him when he was not her headmaster. It made her feel like maybe she wasn't entirely an adult yet. She didn't need any help with that particular insecurity - her very youthfulness was a constant source of gossip amongst the other Aurors. She wasn't the only person to be hired so young, but it didn't help that she was a Metamorphagus. People thought she had been hired on solely for that reason, and Tonks was eager to prove it wasn't true. After coming back from Romania with a glowing Dawlish, people had started giving her a bit more respect, but there was something about being with a bunch of old teachers that made her feel eleven years old again. Especially being around Minerva McGonnagall. Nothing brought her back to the feeling of being caught with her hand in the cookie jar than McGonnagall's conjoined-eyebrow-stare. Tonks hoped one day she would look that forbidding.

Finally, sometime around eight, Tonks finished her reports. She was due at number 12 Grimmauld Place - Kingsley had given Tonks a note from Dumbledore with the address on Wednesday - at nine. She was starving. The Ministry dining room wasn't open on weekends. She hoped Molly Weasley had something on for dinner still.

She gathered her cloak and went downstairs to the Atrium and left through the visitors' entrance. She knew she couldn't get to headquarters via Floo powder - her uncle had seen to that - so instead she was going to catch a train. She could Apparate, of course, but she had time, and she enjoyed seeing London by night, all the Muggles either hurrying home or to the pub.

Tonks arrived outside the shabby house at ten to. She decided to wait for someone else to get there to see how they got in without waking Mrs. Black's portrait. She leaned against the iron fence around the tiny front yard and waited.

She heard approaching footsteps and looked up. It was Remus Lupin, arriving alone. She grinned. He looked up from the sidewalk and saw her, his eyes widening. He smiled, but it was the same tired smile he had worn before.

"Wotcher, Remus," she said, still grinning. She refused to be put off by that exhausted look of his. He was just going to have to buck up.

"Good evening, Tonks. Shall we?" He held his arm out so she would go in front of him, trampling on the entire point of her waiting.

"You know, I've never been inside without waking up the portraits. I was hoping someone could go in front of me and show me what I'm doing wrong," she said, smiling up at him.

Remus smiled, the tired look melting away. She walked behind him to the door and he tapped the lock.

"Wait, what's the incantation?"

"There isn't one. You can tap it as well. Dumbledore has set it up for Order members only." He pushed open the door and held his hand out again. Tonks walked past him inside, trying to keep quiet but sending a floorboard into a creaking solo all the same. It wasn't loud enough to wake up a portrait, apparently, for the walls were silent as Remus came in and closed the door. She envied the way he moved so gracefully. They walked down a shot flight of stairs into the basement kitchen, where Kingsley, Mad-Eye, Dumbledore, Minerva McGonnagall, Bill and Arthur Weasley already sat at the table. Sirius came down the stairs after them.

"Good evening, Tonks," he said, brightly, and sat down beside Kingsley.

"Evening, Sirius." It was quite strange to see her escaped-convict cousin again, but good. Tonks had never had many dealings with her mother's side of the family and had not known Sirius hardly at all when they were both growing up. He had come round fairly regularly after he had graduated from Hogwarts, but all too soon Peter Pettigrew had framed Sirius and had him thrown into Azkaban for thirteen very long years. Tonks had been only ten years old when Sirius had been thrown in jail for a terrible crime and had spent the past fifteen years believing him guilty of the crime. It had not particularly shocked her to believe her family was capable of such a thing. Almost everyone on her mother's side of the family were Voldemort supporters and/or Death Eaters. She had liked Sirius though. He had even brought her small presents when he came to visit.

Now he was a ruin of the handsome young man he had been. Azkaban had stolen almost all of his vitality, and his exile into his childhood home had sapped him of any morale he might have discovered after escaping the dementors. She felt sad for him. He wasn't entirely right in the head. Sometimes he talked about James Potter like he was still alive. She shuddered to think of the darkness that would harvest one's soul after thirteen years locked away on an island with only dementors and other mad people for company.

She was relieved of these dark thoughts when Bill asked her how she was doing. She turned to him eagerly and they talked about what was going on at Gringotts at the moment. Remus sat beside her at the table. She smiled inwardly, hoping she didn't look too smug on the outside.

Mundungus Fletcher, Dedalus Diggle and Sturgis Podmore showed up while Remus, Bill and Tonks discussed the goblins' attitudes toward Voldemort, and Charlie Weasley's reports from Romania. Molly Weasley served everyone a hot bowl of onion soup and slices of bread. She bewitched a bottle of red wine to pour itself into goblets that she had also magicked onto the table. Once everyone was settled and had eaten Molly's excellent cooking, Dumbledore raised his hand for silence. It fell at once.

"Well, we are all here so late in the evening to discuss Harry Potter's removal from the Dursley home. The guard will be bringing him here, obviously. Kingsley has arranged it so the Ministry employees are also Order members, and you have all had your meeting with Alistor and I am sure he has very ably laid out the plan."

"Quite," said Tonks, below her breath, taking a sip of wine. She saw Remus smiling again out of the corner of her eye.

"Severus Snape has reported to me that Voldemort -" Tonks twitched, and was not the only one - Molly uttered a soft squeak - Dumbledore continued as though nothing had happened, "is no nearer to learning how to remove the prophecy from the shelf. Obviously, we shall not become lax in our security just because of this.

"Harry, as I am sure most of you know, has defended himself against two dementors in front of his cousin Dudley Dursley. He has been summoned to appear before the Wizengamot on the twelfth of August, in ten days' time. He does not know we are coming for him, and it is most important he sees no one that is guarding him until we do. He will undoubtedly make a scene in his excitement to contact people from the magical world. I do not doubt that Voldemort -" again, more twitches and shudders around the table, except, Tonks noticed this time, from Remus, "is also having the Dursley home watched. I am quite glad that Harry has been confined to his room, although Voldemort does not appear ready to attack yet. It is my guess he is waiting to hear the entire contents of the prophecy before he makes his move.

"It is essential that once Harry is here he does not leave Grimmauld Place unaccompanied, ever. There are still many Death Eaters that believe they would gain favor from Voldemort for getting rid of him, proving they do not know their master at all. Arthur, you, of course, are perfectly placed to accompany Harry to his hearing."

Arthur nodded his assent. "Of course."

"Good. I will go to the hearing as witness, and bring Arabella Figg, who was on site when it happened." Mundungus shifted in his chair, but said nothing. Dumbledore said, "I open the floor now to anyone who has news."

Bill began talking at once, repeating what he had just told Tonks and Remus about the goblins and about what Charlie had said. Then Mundungus mentioned that a startling amount of people he knew had gone missing and a few of them had turned up dead. Death Eaters were suspected, but there had been no sign of the Mark. Remus, his composure faltering, reported that most of the werewolves were for Fenrir Greyback, and no matter how much he reasoned with them, most were unwilling to support Dumbledore. Tonks wondered how he knew so many werewolves, and resolved to ask him when the meeting was over. Kingsley reported on Fudge's attitude about Harry, the stories that Fudge had had Percy Weasley write for the _Prophet_ and Lucius Malfoy had been in the past week to speak with the Minister.

The meeting broke up. Diggle, Kingsley, Mad-Eye, McGonnagall, Dumbledore and Bill all rose to leave. They made their goodbyes. Tonks was very happy that Remus had stayed. She offered to help Molly clear the dishes, but Molly told her not to be silly and waved her wand so the sink filled with hot soapy water and the dishes began to wash themselves. Over the clinking and clanking of bowls and cutlery banging against the copper sides of the sink, Remus and Sirius began having a very serious discussion about Dolores Umbridge's new law that made it almost impossible for werewolves to get jobs.

"How do you know so many werewolves?" asked Tonks, in a break in the conversation. The table suddenly went very tense. Nearly everyone stared at their glasses of wine, except Molly who was looking from Remus to Tonks and back again, a very worried expression on her face.

Remus's face was quite expressionless. "I know so many werewolves," he said slowly, looking into her eyes as he said it, "Because I am one."

Tonks blushed a very deep scarlet. "Oh," she said. Well, that made sense then. She didn't want him to think she was uncomfortable about this, but she didn't know how to behave to assure him it didn't bother her. She settled for continuing to look him in the eye, despite the fact that her face was fuschia, and saying, "I'm very sorry."

Remus looked a little taken aback, but said nothing. "There is nothing to be sorry for now. It is done. And I can at least make myself useful to the Order."

She nodded. "Yes, I suppose you can. I'm sorry about that Umbridge woman too. She's a nasty piece of work."

"Yes, quite," said Remus, the expressionless face back on.

Sirius stood up, bringing his wine goblet to the sink, where the last fork was being washed by an independent wash cloth.

"I'm for bed," he said. "Are you staying here, Remus?"

"Yes," said Remus. "Yes, I've told the other werewolves I've been summoned before the law, they will not wonder at that. I suppose if you're going to bed, I should as well." He stood. So did Tonks, Molly and Arthur. Mundungus was snoring, his pipe still smoking softly. Sirius poked him hard in the head and he woke with a grunt.

"Eh? More soup please," he said, reaching blindly for the soup bowl that was now drying itself.

Tonks laughed. "Dung, the meeting's been over a while now. We're all leaving." She stood up, and pulled her cloak on.

Mundungus stood up, grumbling. Everyone followed him out into the halllway. Sirius, Molly and Arthur turned right at the top of the stairs to go to the staircase that led to their rooms. They waved silently at the others, Tonks and Mundungus walking out into the night while Remus held the door open. He closed it as softly as possible, tapping the handle. Tonks heard many different locks clicking behind him, as he walked down the porch steps and joined her.

"'Night all," said Mundungus, turning on the spot and Disapparating with a loud _crack_.

Despite the lateness of the hour, the tired look was gone again, Tonks was gratified to notice.

"So you're walking me home then?" she asked.

"Yes, I suppose I am. If that's quite all right with you," he said, looking very serious. "I would very much understand if the prospect of walking home with a werewolf makes you feel _less_ safe."

"Course not, don't be silly."

They started walking to the nearest Underground station.


	3. Walking Home

"How do you know this lot?" she asked, jerking her head back at headquarters.

He gave her a curious look. "I apologize. I'm used to people knowing things about me before I meet them. Reputations proceeding and all that. Sirius and I went to school together."

"Oh!" She was surprised. He must be quite young then. She had thought him at least forty, just by the amount of gray in his hair. Thinking of how difficult and stressful finding and holding a job must be, the shabbiness of his robes and the wrinkles on his face suddenly made sense. "And you were a teacher at Hogwarts, so you know Dumbledore and McGonnagall."

"Yes. Dumbledore was most kind to offer me a position as Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. However, my condition was made public at the end of the school year and my immediate dismissal and removal from the grounds was quite necessary. I am ashamed to say that I did transform on the grounds and ran loose in the Forbidden Forest. I did not deserve a teaching post.I put countless lives in danger."

"Just because you ran amok in the Forbidden Forest? Well, Remus, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I've done that as well and I didn't run into any other students out there."

"You went into the Forest alone?" Remus looked alarmed and a little annoyed.

"I didn't say that, did I? I said I didn't _runinto _anyone. I never said I went alone."

Remus laughed. They had reached the steps to the station and were descending when he said, "I see. And just what were you doing running amok in the Forbidden Forest?"

"Well, it was my first year there you know, and I desperately wanted to meet a centaur."

Remus chuckled again. They had reached the platform. It would be another few minutes before a train came. "And did you?"

"Yes." This time Tonks laughed. "I made so much noise falling into bushes and crashing into trees that several centaurs came and banished me at arrowpoint."

They laughed together. "You're really something else, Tonks," he said, smiling at her.

The train pulled up to the station. Tonks was smiling quite broadly, but so was Remus. They sat down beside each other. There were only two other people on board, and both were asleep.

Tonks didn't know what to say. She was seized by a mad desire to tell him how much she had been thinking about him for the past twenty-four hours, but she didn't want to be too forward. Instead, she settled for, "I suppose you'll think it's an idiotic question, but what's Harry Potter like?"

Remus's smile softened. She could tell his impression of The Boy Who Lived was favorable even before he started talking. "He's so much like his father. I suppose you were too young to have known James, but I think you would have liked him. They both had an innate sense of fairness, but Harry definitely inherited his mother's kindness and modesty. He is truly remarkable."

"Sounds like. I'm excited to meet him. I'm excited to be on the guard, really, even if it is just because I'm on the Order." Tonks had not thought to make that connection, until Dumbledore had as much as said Kingsley only chose Ministry/Order members.

"That's not the only reason you were chosen, Tonks. I wasn't lying when I said I had been hearing good things from Shacklebolt and Moody. They're quite impressed with you."

Tonks blushed again. "That's good to hear, thank you."

"Who are your family? I have never heard the name Tonks."

"Oh, they're up North. My dad's Muggle-born. Ted Tonks. My mother is Sirius's cousin, I'm something like his second cousin twice removed or whatever that relationship would be."

"Oh. You're a Black?"

"Yes. Only don't tell anyone please. I'm not ashamed to be related to Sirius, of course, but I'm quite keen to keep that bloodline secret."

"I understand."

"I've never heard the name Lupin, before, where are your family?"

"My parents were from the South."

That's all he said. Tonks gathered it must be a painful topic and changed the subject. "The South, eh? What d'you reckon the Kittiwakes chances are then?" she asked, naming Cornwall's Quidditch team.

He laughed. "Abysmal, as always."

"That's why you ought to be from the North. Our Quidditch teams are superb." They argued Quidditch all the way to Tonks's station. They disembarked from the train and walked up the stairs back into the chill night air. The clouds were gone and you could see the stars. The moon was waning gibbous. Tonks realized it must have been quite recent that Remus had transformed and stopped looking skyward.

Tonks only lived a block from the station, and they reached her door all too soon in her opinion.

"I guess I'll be seeing you Tuesday then. We'll be Apparating from Grimmauld Place, of course," said Remus, looking both ways and dropping his voice even lower.

"Yes, Tuesday. Thank you for walking me home, Remus. I had fun."

Remus looked taken aback again. Before she allowed herself to say anything stupid, she kissed him on the cheek, and walked through her flat door, closing and locking it behind her then counting to ten before standing on tiptoes to catch a last glimpse of him through the fan light.

He was standing there still, his hand on his cheek, staring off into the distance. He looked at the door again, and Tonks slid back down, hurriedly, though not before seeing that he looked happy and confused. She began to count to ten but heard a loud _crack_ before she got to seven. She stood on tiptoes, looked through the fan light and he was gone.


	4. Department of Mysteries

Lupin Apparated neatly on the front step of Number 12 Grimmauld Place. He pulled his wand out of the inside pocket of his robes and tapped the door handle, the now familiar clinking of locks and chains issuing from the other side before the door swung open. Lupin stepped inside, closed the front door as silently as possible, and tapped the handle again, the chains and locks re-locking. He went slowly down the hallway, careful to step over the place Tonks had stepped on that creaked so loudly.

He paused at the foot of the stairs leading down to the basement kitchen, wondering if a cup of tea might make him sleepy enough to go to bed, but he decided against it and continued on up the stairs. He walked past the room Ron Weasley was sleeping in, then the room Ginny Weasley and Hermione Granger were sharing. On past the sitting room and George and Fred Weasley's room and then finally reached the guest bedroom Sirius kept prepared for him.

He walked inside, flicking his wand so the lights along the walls came to life. They revealed a once-grand room papered in fading gray silk. Orange light from a streetlamp outside caused the only window in the room to look rather dingy. He flicked his wand again, closing the black crepe curtain. He pulled his robe off and hung it on a hook next to the bedroom door. He sat down on the foot of the bed, pulling his shoes off, levitating them to sit neatly next to each other underneath his cloak.

Tonks was undoubtedly going to be a problem. He had not been able to attend meetings for the past couple of weeks as he had been living underground with other werewolves. When he had been able to get away and get to headquarters, Sirius filled him in on meetings goings-on. It had been Sirius that had said they had gained another Ministry employee, but he had neglected to say she was a very pretty young woman. When Sirius said Auror, an adorable punk-rocker was not what came to Remus's mind.

He sank back onto the bed, staring up at the canopy, his feet inches from the floor, his arms spread wide on either side of him.

He had wondered, when he told her he was a werewolf, whether he would see the mixture of revulsion and pity he saw on so many others' faces. In fact, usually he did not even see pity. Instead he saw momentary confusion and then something that had looked scarily like acceptance.

After acting on the ridiculous impulse to spend more time with her, leading to him walking her to her flat (and now he knew where he lived, a thought that made him so disgusted with himself he rose from the bed), he tried warning her. He told her about what had happened at Hogwarts. If she had accepted what he was in the basement kitchen, surely she would be repulsed by him after hearing that. Instead she had kissed him on the cheek. He lay beneath the blanket, raising his hand, again, in shock to his cheek. She had run into the house after that, without another word. He had not been kissed on the cheek since his mother had died, ten years ago.

Her heart-shaped face framed by that bright purple hair was too compelling. He would have to master the urge to spend time with her. He had nothing to offer her except exile from the wizarding community. No father, no mother would want their child becoming involved with the likes of him. Hadn't he proved he was not to be trusted? Dumbledore had given him the chance at Hogwarts to prove he was trustworthy and time and again he had disappointed him. First with James, Sirius and Pettigrew, when they were still students, and again when he had transformed on the grounds. He so easily could have turned around and bitten the students that had been fighting to find Pettigrew.

Lupin closed his eyes tightly, his lips set in a grim line. Reliving that moment would not change it. Nothing would change it. He had ruined any chance of bringing Wormtail to justice, causing Sirius's continued imprisonment, even if Sirius refused to accept it.

He would just have to stay away from Nymphadora. Tonks, he corrected himself. He would have to stay away from Tonks. He would have to ignore her light sense of humor, and her too loud laugh. He was going to have to ignore how she knocked over everything she touched, and turned so prettily pink whenever she did. Yes, he could ignore those things. He had no choice. When he saw her next she would have had time to think about his situation and she would be disgusted with him, as she should be.

He drifted off into a fitful sleep, dreams full of the cries of children and squeaking of rats.

Tonks awoke the next morning as full of doubts as she had been when she had gone to sleep.

As soon as he had disappeared, anxiety had set in. She had not been interested in a man since she had been at Hogwarts and been desperately in love with Barnaby Willis, the Captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team before Charley Weasley. She had gotten over that crush fairly easily, as Barnaby was a total prat. These feelings felt as new as if she truly were having them for the first time ever.

She should not have kissed him on the cheek. He probably thought her as big of a prat as she thought Barnaby was. The thought of him thinking her a romantic fool, or, worse, a desperate child made her feel like shriveling up in embarrassment. _When_ would she learn to think before she acted? It was why she was so very clumsy - she didn't reason before moving.

Well, she wouldn't see him for another two days. Maybe by then she wouldn't feel so silly.

She continued to dwell miserably on what had happened with Remus all morning, until she finally gave in and went to work, just to give herself something else to do.

_He must be attracted to me_, she thought, checking off files.

Stop it, her mind countered. You'll not get anywhere thinking this way.

_He did walk me home. There was no call for it. He himself admitted to knowing I'm a capable Auror._

He looks at you like a kid. That's the only reason he walked you home. You're being silly.

_Then why did he look so happy after I'd kissed him?_

You only kissed him on the cheek. He might not have even been happy. You only saw him for a fraction of a second. He looked a lot more confused than he looked happy. He was confused about why someone who had only known him for a couple of days had the gall to kiss him!

Tonks sighed. She really wasn't going to get anywhere like this. Maybe food would distract her.

She left the papers as a bad job and walked down the stairs. Though half the department had turned up yesterday on a Saturday, not many people came in to the Ministry on Sunday. She figured she'd walk by the door to the Department of Mysteries and if no one was around she'd say hello to Podmore, who was on guard at the moment.

When she reached the basement, no one was there. She had not run into one person coming down either. She approached the door. It was slightly ajar. She frowned, and reached around the corners, searching for an invisible Sturgis Podmore. There wasn't one. Unable to resist, she pushed the door open.

She was in a dark circular room. She kept the door open, not wanting the doors to spin around once it shut. The small blue lights set in sconces all around the room on the rounded walls were the only light. Tonks could see the light coming in from the door in the hallway but it didn't penetrate the gloominess of this room.

She opened one of the other doors. There was a small office. No one was inside. Tonks shuddered. She quickly transformed herself into the shape of Broderick Bode, one of the Unspeakables that worked in this department. She had no idea who had left the door open. The door to the Department of Mysteries had never been left ajar, not in the entire time she had worked at the Ministry, nor in the time when she had been training at the Ministry to become an Auror. She couldn't help but think that someone else was taking advantage of the emptiness of the Ministry.

Tonks opened a filing cabinet at random. A huge drawer kept coming out. It was full of large hanging file folders. She opened one and saw the plans to the Ministry.

She drew it out, tapped it with her wand saying, "_Gemino_," and a perfect copy appeared. She quickly furled the copy into a tight roll, and put the original back in its folder in the cabinet. She ran out, closing the office door, pushing the door just to as it had been when she found it.

She ran flat out up the stairs, across the Atrium and grabbed some Floo powder, tossing it into the grate, stepping in and shouting her home address.

She spun around, keeping her arms tight to her sides, elation coursing through her. Anyone could get plans to the Ministry building of course, but the plans in the Department of Mysteries actually _had_ the plans to the Department of Mysteries on it, which none of the other plans had. She laughed as she stumbled onto her carpet, unfurling the blueprint and laying it on the floor.

She went to her bedroom, where her owl, Gemini, was sleeping in her cage. She pulled a sheaf of parchment out of her desk, dipped her quill in the ink pot and wrote Dumbledore a note.

_Dumbledore - _

_Amazing plan - I can't wait to hear more! Inform me of your earliest convenience to discuss._

_Yours,_

_Tonks_

She woke up her owl, furled the scroll, tapped to it seal it, and tied the scroll to Gemini's leg. Gemini hooted softly, and flew out the window to Hogwarts.

It was written in code of course. Amazing plan meant something important had just happened. Can't wait to hear more meant she needed to speak to him immediately. Inform me of your earliest convenience meant call a meeting with everyone.

Generally the Order only met once a week, if they could even manage that, and only two meetings had been held with every member. Excluding Severus, herself and Remus of course, none of whom had been able to attend a real meeting for the past month. This was definitely important though. She thought perhaps even Snape might need to come to this one.

A/N: Please comment! I would love to know what you think.


	5. Collecting Harry Potter

Tonks did not hear back from Dumbledore on Sunday. Perhaps he was somewhere he could not receive owls. She knew he was much busier than any other Order member doing Merlin knew what. She reflected again on what a barmy man Albus Dumbledore was.

On Monday, Tonks went in to work early. She was only doing paperwork again. Every Auror was given a week in between one case and another to work on the truly ridiculous amount of parchment filling that must be done. Tonks had another couple of days on her forced desk work. She hated being chained to the desk. People did not become Aurors to check off boxes, and it rankled nearly everyone in the department.

She worked at her desk all the way through the lunch hour, taking a fifteen minute break after her stomach growled so loudly it caused several people in the vicinity to jump quite as much as Kingsley's laugh did.

She jumped up from her desk, her chair flying out behind her as usual. Why did it always do that? She didn't kick it intentionally. The first few weeks she had worked at her desk she had kept hitting her co workers until everyone had insisted on moving well away and magically reinforcing their cubicle walls.

Unable to take any more, and reasonably sure she would finish the rest tomorrow, Tonks walked down to the fireplaces in the Atrium at five o'clock, along with the rest of the building.

When she spun into her flat, she saw a folded and sealed piece of parchment, lying under a golden phoenix feather. She opened the letter and saw Dumbledore's thin, slanting writing.

_Tonks,_

_Yes, I quite agree. However, snakes are used in the Darkest of magics. A shipment of quills is coming on Tuesday at eight o'clock._

_Ever your humble servant,_

_Dumbledore_

Yes! There was going to be a meeting! With everyone except Snape, who would not be able to meet them because he was on Death Eater Detail. Well, who needed him, Tonks couldn't pretend to be sorry that her least favorite Order member was not going to be at the meeting. Tomorrow, after they had delivered Harry Potter, they would have a meeting. And she was the one that had called it!

Tuesday at five, Tonks left the building like she normally would. She walked from her flat to the Underground and took the train to the stop nearest 12 Grimmauld Place. She walked purposefully to the door, tapped the locks, and, to her shock, the locks and chains slithered away almost silently. When she stepped in, she closed the door quietly, the way she had seen Remus do it. She tried to step wide over the creaky spot, lost her balance and crashed into the stupid troll's leg umbrella stand. She _hated _that thing!

"Blast it all!" she cried as the curtains in front of Mrs. Black's portrait flew apart, revealing the rotting old woman clawing at her face, pointing at the intruder and screaming about Mudbloods and filth in her house, desecrating the home of her ancestors, while other portraits along the wall woke suddenly, their yells and screams adding to the cacophony.

Someone came hurtling up the steps, followed by another someone. They pointed their wands at each of the portraits so the curtains descended once again, and Sirius pulled with all his might on the curtains around his mother's portrait, until they shut and his mother stopped screaming.

Remus stood behind Sirius. Once the curtains were closed they both turned around to look at Tonks, who had picked herself up off the floor when she saw people coming. They both smiled at her and gestured wordlessly that they should all go down to the kitchen.

Seven of the people on guard were sitting at the table. Hestia Jones, she worked as a shopkeep on Diagon Alley, Dedalus Diggle with that silly hat he insisted on wearing, Emmeline Vance, another Auror, Kingsley and Moody, Sturgis Podmore, staring blankly at the fireplace and not taking part in any conversation, and Elphias Doge. Remus and Sirius settled at the far end of the table, Remus not even looking at her. Was he mad at her for knocking over the umbrella stand? Perhaps he couldn't even look at her after she had kissed him on the cheek. Feeling very wrongfooted, and hoping her blush would be attributed to the scene she had caused in the upstairs hallway, she sat down next to Kingsley and Moody. Moody immediately launched into a rant about the dangers they would be facing and the best hexes to use while flying on a broomstick.

"If we're going very fast you'll want to -" but he was cut off by Dumbledore, who came into the room.

"Good evening," he said. Several people at the table said, "Evening," back, the excitement palpable. Tonks did love a good mission. She felt herself grinning. She saw her smile mirrored on Kingsley's face. Moody looked as grim as ever.

"After you have all brought Harry Potter here tonight, please stay for a meeting. It is very important. Tonks?"

"I've found Department of Mysteries building plans," she said, smiling broadly.

Applause broke out around the table. Sirius actually thumped the table with his fist, beaming at her.

"Excellent," said Dumbledore, smiling serenely, the tips of his fingers together. "We shall, of course, scrutinize them most closely and plan security from there. Now, I will send red sparks when I have deemed the coast is clear. Whatever happens, be sure someone is looking for these sparks. When I send green sparks, it is time to fly. I will send yellow sparks if there is danger. Stay where you are. I will of course, come myself with the rest of the Order if the danger is imminent. Good luck."

Everyone stood, pulling on cloaks and chattering excitedly. They fell silent as they trooped up the stairs, each grabbing a broomstick that they had lined up by the door. They walked out onto the sidewalk, holding their brooms and waiting for everyone else to file out. Remus closed the door, tapped it with his wand and they took off. Remus was in the front of the group and Tonks was in the back.

She considered giving him his space. He clearly didn't want to talk to her. He had that exhausted world-weary look again. She sped up her broom so she was in the front, flying next to Remus.

"Wotcher!" she said, cheerfully, looking ahead and not at him.

"Good evening, Tonks!" he said. They were both shouting to be heard over the rustling wind and the flapping of cloaks. "Good job on the Department of Mysteries plans!"

"Cheers! Can't wait to fill you all in on that!"

"Indeed."

They flew in silence for a time. Tonks watched the clouds rushing by below them. It was freezing. She was glad she had worn her warmest cloak. She very much wanted to apologize for possibly making him uncomfortable, but didn't know how to without making him more uncomfortable, so she held her silence for as long as she could.

"Look, I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable the other night!" she yelled at him.

He looked surprised. "Not at all, Tonks! I just wasn't expecting it!"

He had not realized she was still thinking about that. He had been certain after she had had time to herself she would realize how dangerous and disgusting he was. He had tried to put space between them at Grimmauld Place to resist sitting beside her. He had flown at the head of the guard to resist telling her he had not had a moment in the intervening days when he had not been full of thoughts of her. And now here she was beside him. He was very grateful the situation was not ideal for conversation.

"We're getting close now!" Tonks yelled. "I'm going to fly to the back and keep a lookout!"

"Perhaps we can talk after the meeting!" he yelled. What on earth had possessed him to say that? He regretted it as soon as it was out of his mouth, but Tonks was already flying away. He didn't want to follow her and give anyone the wrong impression. He wondered if they had heard their conversation. They had been yelling quite loudly, but he had barely heard Tonks and she was right next to him.

Now he would have to talk to her after the meeting. What would he talk to her about? Tell her again how dangerous he was? He wasn't even sure she was attracted to him. Perhaps she just kissed people. But that was absurd and he knew it. As mad as it was, he believed Tonks was attracted to him, and he knew he was attracted to her. It was a nightmare.

"Time to descend!" came Kingsley's voice, some twenty minutes later.

They all dived down, Lupin still leading the pack and landed in the backyard of Number 4 Privet Drive. The street was quiet. Everyone was inside having dinner. In the clear dark night, he could see the squares of light in everyone's house but the one in front of him.

He walked up to the back door, leaning his broom beside it before tapping the lock and walking inside. Everyone else followed his lead, coming in and not bothering to be very quiet.

Once he was in he stopped on the threshold to the dining room, and looked back. Tonks was the last one to come in, and as she did so she closed the door and backed up a step, tripping over the hoover she couldn't see and falling into a display of very ugly china plates. She managed to save two of them but the third crashed to the floor. She winced and flicked her wand, the pieces flying back together and landing on the display again. A few people giggled and everyone started talking, moving forward through the dining room and then the sitting room to the bottom of the stairs.

A short, thin boy was standing at the top of the stairs. He was holding his wand out, looking down at the group of people all looking up at him.

"Lower your wand boy, before you take someone's eye out," growled Moody. Tonks grinned, looking back up at Harry Potter. She couldn't see him properly as it was so dark in the house.

Harry Potter did not lower his wand, but asked, "Professor Moody?"

Tonks's grin grew. Moody hated being called Professor - he looked at being kidnapped as being the biggest embarrassment of his life, and his reply to Harry Potter was rather gruff. The boy still did not put his wand away.

Tonks heard Remus say, "It's all right, Harry. We've come to take you away."

"Professor Lupin?"

This was silly. "Why are we all standing in the dark?" she asked. "_Lumos_." Her wand tip ignited, and she pointed it at Harry, but the beam was bright enough to illuminate the whole stair well.

"Ooh, he looks just like I thought he would!" she said, and he did. Messy black hair, the thin lightning bolt scar on his forehead and the round black glasses. She had seen pictures of him, of course, in the _Prophet_ and heard many people describe him as looking just like James Potter. She couldn't believe she was standing in the Boy Who Lived's house. It was very surreal. He was the reason Voldemort had been gone for so much of her life! "Wotcher, Harry!" she said.

Everyone commented on how much he looked like James, except for the eyes, which, apparently, were the eyes of his mother. In typical fashion, Moody had to make sure he was really Harry Potter. When he passed the identification test, with the help of Remus (the sound of his voice making Tonks's heartrate speed up, which embarrassed her quite as thoroughly as the plate incident), Remus began to introduce Harry to everyone there.

He called her Nymphadora again. What if the boy thought that was her name? She corrected the situation quickly, making it quite plain she did not like that name. It must be memorable, however.

Eager to get to know Harry Potter better, she followed him up the stairs. The walls and moulding and kickboard were all startlingly white. There were no smudge marks on the banister. Tonks found this very strange and said so, hoping, after she had, that she had not offended the boy. He didn't seem offended, and when he opened his door Tonks felt right at home. His bedroom, though a bit messier, to be sure, bore a striking resemblance to her own bedroom, with books and quills and sheafs of parchment littering the floor and foot of the bed.

Tonks helped him pack and clean the droppings out of his owl's cage. She wished she was better at cleaning spells, but she wasn't and that was that.

She helped Harry Potter carry his trunk down the stairs and into the kitchen. She watched Remus, who seemed very pleased to see Harry. She hoped he would one day be that pleased to see her. She felt much better after apologizing to him.

They waited for the signal and mounted their brooms. When the green sparks went off, they flew into the air. Tonks looked behind her and saw Harry handled his legendary Firebolt admirably. She had heard he was an excellent Seeker. Perhaps she would get a chance to discuss Quidditch tactics with Harry Potter!

Moody kept redirecting them until they were far away from their chosen course. When he suggested yet another detour, Tonks yelled, "ARE YOU MAD, MAD-EYE? We're all frozen to our brooms! If we keep going off course, we won't get there until next week!" which seemed to bring him slightly to his senses and they quickly descended into London, in front of headquarters.

A/N: I apologize for using so much text from _Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix_, I just didn't know how else to do that scene. From now on I might just pass over scenes in the book, but there aren't that many to be honest. If it really bothers anyone please let me know, and I'll take it out straight away. Please comment and let me know what you think!


	6. After Dinner

Tonks walked into the house last, again. This was an old habit. Less people to trip over. They walked down the stairs to the kitchen. Bill, Arthur, Molly, Dung and Sirius were all at the table, talking. As the guard settled down, Molly jumped up and started getting everyone goblets of wine. Dumbledore walked in, Snape, his black cloaks billowing behind him even without the aid of wind, trailing in behind him. Dumbledore was smiling, serene as ever.

"I take it everyone made it here safely?" he asked. Everyone nodded. Everyone, Tonks noticed, except Sturgis, who still seemed slightly odd.

"I did not believe Severus would be able to join us tonight, but he has charmed his way here," said Dumbledore, the corner of his mouth twitching as Snape scowled heavily at him. Tonks couldn't help but feel it would take a lot more _cajones_ than she would ever have to tease Severus Snape. Minverva McGonnagall came in not long after and so did Flitwick, jumping up on a chair, his head barely clearing the table. Molly hurried off to grab him a pillow, which he accepted gracefully.

Tonks grabbed the blueprints and spread them out on the table. Dumbledore examined them. Many at the table stood to peer more closely. Dumbledore took out a wand, passing it over the blueprints. Several of the spots on the map lit up. Dumbledore frowned, passing his wand over again and only one spot lit up.

"Here," he said, pointing at the spot. "Molly, have we taken care of the Extendable Ear situation?"

"Yes, Professor, I've put an Imperturbable Charm on the doors."

"Excellent. This," he said, finger still on the glowing spot, "Is where the Hall of Prophecy is. It is here that Voldemort will try to penetrate. It seems as though there are many complex spells that would keep one at bay, but Voldemort could get through them quite easily. There must be something else holding him back, and I would hazard a guess at him not wanting to be found out. This will not last long. It seems he is putting other plans into action. Severus?"

Snape, still scowling heavily at Dumbledore's joke, or perhaps that was just his face, said, "He is sending an envoy to the dementors. They do not have a leader, or at least, not in the way that we humans do, but they will be talking to the guards of Azkaban in particular. They are going to try and free the Lestranges, Rookwood, Dolohov, Haight, Melvins, Parmer, Tabert, Cromus and Munson. Most of these are very gifted wizards, although some of them are simply being broken out because their past will scare others. I do not believe this will happen quickly. The dementors are not keen to leave their island prison, nor to let anyone out, but it will not take much persuading. We must all be on guard."

Everyone had sat down again during Snape's speech, the blueprints still littering the table.

Dumbledore spoke again. "While he is busy with that, I suggest we double the guard around the prophecy. Instead of an Auror there all night while the Ministry is gone, we will now have a witch or wizard on guard twenty-four hours a day. Be vigilant. Keep your ears open. Do not allow your mind to wander - you never know what you may overhear.

"Now, let's speak of these protective spells." Dumbledore began explaining. Tonks, listening intently, allowed her eyes to wander around the table. Snape's face was expressionless, he was staring at Dumbledore. He was not likable, but he was certainly able. She wondered, for perhaps the hundredth time, what it was in Snape that caused Dumbledore to trust him so implicitly. Dumbledore did not seem to mind sharing any and all secrets in front of someone who spent quite a lot of time in the presence of You-Know-Who.

She looked elsewhere. Sirius was staring at Snape with a look of purest loathing. He blamed Snape for James and Lily's deaths. Tonks couldn't say she blamed him, of course. It had been Snape who had informed You-Know-Who of the prophecy. Still, to sit there with dislike so openly etched on every feature...it was distrubing. Most everyone else was listening very intently.

Tonks looked at Remus, who was across the table from her. He was looking at her. They both colored red, and quickly looked at Dumbledore, neither averting their gaze from their leader for the rest of the meeting, though Molly watched the two of them for more signs of attraction. She was startled at the one she had just seen. She had not realized it the other night, but she supposed they had just met. The significance of hearing Remus coming up the stairs and entering his room suddenly struck her, and she turned just as red as the other two, and kept her eyes on the headmaster as well.

After the meeting, people stood up and said their goodbyes. Molly got up to go fetch the children. Tonks and Remus stayed where they were, Tonks daring to look at Remus for the first time in half an hour. He was very determinedly talking to Sirius. Tonks decided to go say goodbye to Moody and Kingsley.

After everyone had left, except for Dung, who was presumably still smoking the pipe he had lit halfway through the meeting, Tonks closed and locked the door. With great concentration, she stepped over the creaky spot in the floor, was delighted she had missed it and tripped over the troll leg again!

"Tonks!" Mrs. Weasley yelled, looking thoroughly put out as the portraits sprang to life yet again. Lupin, who had come up unbeknownst to Tonks, began magicking the curtains closed. Mrs. Black's portrait was the most difficult to shut up, as always.

"I'm sorry!" Tonks said, mortified beyond belief, "That's the second time I've tripped over -" but no one was listening. Indeed, no one could hear her over Mrs. Black. Sirius came hurtling up the stairs and, with the help of Remus, pulled the curtains shut again.

They all trooped back downstairs, Remus patting her consolingly on the back. She felt such an idiot. She wished Remus hadn't been here for that, but she was also glad he was here.

Mrs. Weasley cooked another delicious meal for them all and Tonks started changing her nose for Ginny and Hermione. She had done this for them before, the first time she had had dinner at Grimmauld Place. She was uncomfortably aware of Remus watching between mouthfuls.

After dinner, Sirius asked Harry if he had any questions. Tonks was embarrassed for her cousin. She didn't know if he had always been so reckless, if being cooped up in Grimmauld Place was doing it or if the recent sight of Snape had made him more irritable than usual. Perhaps it was all three. He was acting as though Harry were an adult, when he was just a fifteen-year-old boy.

When Molly rounded on Sirius, and started yelling her head off, Tonks remembered what Dumbledore had asked. Kingsley had told Tonks about the Weasley twins' inventions, and it had seemed funny at the time, precocious even. However, she knew Harry Potter had a reputation for acting rashly, often without all the information at hand. Who knew what the kids had heard about the prophecy.

She silently caught Remus's eye and mouthed the words, "Extendable Ears."

Lupin nodded, indicating he understood and said, "Personally, I think it better that Harry get the facts - not all the facts," he continued, at the thunderous look on Molly's face, "but the general picture, from us, rather than a garbled version...from others."

There was another general uproar at this, in which Lupin looked at Tonks who grinned and winked. It was excellent to have someone with which to silently communicate. Her sister had been like that. She had not met someone like that since.

Harry Potter's face grew more and more concerned with every new bit of information. He seemed to think the members of the Order had all the time in the world, and were simply not doing much to further the anti-You-Know-Who movement. Tonks reminded herself he was fifteen - she was getting as bad as Sirius! He had no idea of the complexities involved in an anti-truth government worked by adults in an ever-changing world. Nor the dangers of the wrong people finding out what one was up to.

Finally, Molly put a stop to it. Sirius had been on the verge of divulging too much. Tonks didn't think he would have flat out told Harry about the prophecy, but he might have told him enough for Harry to figure it out. Dumbledore had been explicit in his instructions for Harry not to know about the prophecy. Tonks didn't think Dumbledore was showing enough faith in a boy who had already done so much to keep the Dark wizards at bay, but she was sure Dumbledore had reasons she could not fathom.

The kids all went up to bed. Tonks looked at Remus, who nodded and they both stood. They said goodbye to the Weasleys and Sirius and walked up the stairs out of the kitchen. Bill followed, and Mundungus. When they were all outside, Mundungus Disapparted quickly, just as before. Bill stuck around for a moment, talking to Remus. Tonks waited impatiently. She quite liked Bill, they had been at Hogwarts together, but she was very ready for his swift departure.

He finally cottoned on and, with a very knowing, very smug grin, said goodnight and Disapparated at the same spot as Mundungus.

"Perhaps, if it's not too late for you, we could go for a walk?"

It was getting late, and Tonks did have to go to work in the morning, but there was no way she was missing this.

"That sounds well nice," she said, and they walked off in the direction of her flat again. They passed the Underground station quickly, and kept walking. Tonks was glad.

"Well," said Remus. He was grinning, but still managed to look very sad. "You did very well at the Dursleys. You're an excellent flyer."

Tonks scowled. Flying? That's why he had asked her to talk after the meeting? To discuss her flying technique?

"You're not bad yourself." She tried to think of something to say that would steer the conversation away from flying and into a more suitable realm. Something about how she felt. How she couldn't stop thinking about him and wanted to spend time with him outside of Order business.

"Listen," said Remus, watching his feet, "I don't know what you're thinking or feeling. Perhaps I am presuming too much. I don't know what to say or how to say it." He looked at her, as though hoping she would relieve him of the burden of saying something she did not want to hear.

"I'm thinking you're the bravest person I've ever met," said Tonks, stopping in the sidewalk. Remus stopped too, looking at her as though transfixed. "I'm thinking I haven't _stopped_ thinking about you since we met. I know we only met each other a couple of days ago. I know I'm being a prat, but I can't help it. You fascinate me, Remus."

Lupin couldn't believe what he was hearing. _He _fascinated _her_? He had not had one moment free of her since they had met. She was all he could think of. He couldn't even properly plan his re-entry to the world of werewolves. He was going to have start over almost from scratch by the time he was finally ready to go back underground. He knew they would know immediately that he had preferred the company of wizards to them, but he couldn't stand the thought of disappearing for months and coming back to find Tonks had moved on. He couldn't stand not disappearing and giving her that chance.

"I don't know what to say," he said, trying to be careful and seeing her face fall. She looked most upset. He couldn't bear it. "Sod this," he said, and wrapped his hands around her waist, pulling her to him. He leaned his head down and kissed her.


	7. Think About It

Very lightly, Lupin was pressing his lips against Tonks'. She wrapped her arms around his neck, increasing the pressure. He was holding her by the waist, but his grip softened, and his arms encircled her, pulling her closer, so she was pressed against him.

He drew his head back and she was looking up at him, still holding him. He almost looked as though he was in pain and the tired look was back.

"Don't look like that, Remus."

He hung his head, burying his face in her hair. She could feel his breath against the spot beneath her ear. She instinctively tightened her hold. "I came on this walk," he said softly, finding control again, "To tell you I'm no good for you." He leaned back, releasing her. She let her arms drop to her sides. "Being too poor and too old for you are the least of it."

"Remus, I don't care about that. I like you, I want to spend time with you. Maybe you'll hate me! It's too early to worry about that."

"No," he said. "It's the perfect time. Before we get too involved with each other, I must…"

Tonks laughed. "Remus Lupin, do you want to get married?"

He looked shocked. Tonks almost laughed again as all the color left his face.

"Because let me tell you something - I don't. At least, I don't want to get married to anyone yet. I hardly know you at all. I just think….I dunno, I think we'd get on well. Maybe we go out on a date and it turns out you pick your nose, or you don't like the Weird Sisters."

"Everyone likes the Weird Sisters," Remus mumbled, his mouth twitching.

She smiled. "Quite. I'm just saying, we might not be right for each other at all, but I'd rather give it a shot."

He sighed. "So you find nose picking much more disgusting than being a werewolf?"

"I very much doubt you were bitten through your own design. It's not your fault, Remus. It would be one thing if you believed werewolves should be more powerful than wizards, or some rubbish like that, but I know you don't."

"No, I don't. But it's not just that. I lead a….alternative kind of life, Nymphadora. You don't understand the danger I'd be putting you in, and not just once a month when I transform."

"Again, Remus, we're not getting married tomorrow. Let's just...see how it goes. You're busy, I'm busy, we won't be able to see each other often anyway. So let's just...hang out some time, when it's not on Order business and we could...just see what happens?" She felt her heart rising into her throat. She had never asked a man out before. She had had boyfriends, of course, but they had just been friends she snogged occasionally. She'd never actually asked one on a date. It felt impossibly grown-up.

He was staring into her eyes, his hands in fists at his sides. She could tell he was fighting some internal battle. Why did he find this so hard?

She took one of his hands in both of hers. "Just give it a chance. You might like it."

He smiled wryly. "That's what I'm afraid of."

"Well, you're just going to have to stop being afraid. Now kiss me again, that was quite good."

He let go of her hands and pulled her to him again, lowering his head and returning the gentle pressure of his lips against hers.

He knew what he was doing was wrong. Even as he felt her melt against him, he knew it was wrong. But he couldn't help himself. Just as he had given in when James and Sirius talked him into leaving the grounds as a werewolf, he was giving in now. Giving in to the all too human desire for friendship, except this time the desire was stronger. This time he wanted much, much more than friendship.

He shut his mind up for a few glorious, Tonks-filled moments. He slid his hands up her back, pulling her even closer against him. He felt her slide her hands down his neck so they were resting flat against his chest. He had never held a woman this way. His curse had prevented intimacy. He was too terrified of getting close, telling someone what he was and seeing them leave him. But Tonks knew, and she wasn't running. She was here in his arms, warm and soft and good.

She was the one to break off the kiss. He kept his eyes closed for a moment, savoring the last few guilt-free seconds before his conscience sprang back to life, silently berating him, building a nice head of steam for when he was alone and could really wallow in his misery. When he opened his eyes, she was smiling up at him, her eyes soft and her customary smile on her face. Had he ever been so young?

"Come on," he said, drawing back from her and holding out his arm. "I'll take you to your flat."

Tonks took his arm, holding tightly, and Remus Disapparated them to her flat.

"When will I see you again?" asked Tonks, still holding on to his arm.

"Well, we have another Order meeting before Harry's hearing."

She smiled. "I didn't mean at a meeting, Remus."

He smiled at her too. "I'm afraid that's as often as I can resurface."

"What, you've only been in London a few days! You can't stay until Harry's hearing?"

"And what would I tell them when I got back?"

Tonks frowned. "Tell them to stop being ridiculous and get out of hiding."

"Are they being ridiculous?" asked Remus, looking, not at her, but at her door. "They go somewhere they cannot harm other humans. They are allowed to embrace what they are and be with their fellows."

Tonks sighed. "They could do that in the open. It would take time, it would take a lot of time, but they just need to get one of their own in the Ministry."

Remus sighed, but that faint, tired smile was still there. "Maybe one day. Not in our lifetimes, but maybe one day. I'll see you at the meeting, Nymphadora." He was looking at her again, and the tenderness in his eyes made her heart ache.

"Not before?" she asked, not caring if she sounded desperate.

"Perhaps. If we don't, though, I want you to really think about this."

Tonks laughed and said, "If I promise to think about it, do you promise not to overthink it?"

He couldn't help but laugh. She was so full of life. He would steal that from her by being with her. He would steal that from her when all her family and friends turned their backs on her.

He leaned down, kissed her ever so gently, and then backed up, turning and disappearing with a loud _crack_.


	8. Murderous Ghoul

A couple of days later, Tonks was still waking up smiling. She had kissed Remus! It was very difficult to stop thinking of him. She tried valiantly to stop thinking of how kind and gentle he was, of his humor and soft-spoken voice, of the way he looked like he was waking up when he saw her...She decided to take the morning off and go to Grimmauld Place. Was it so she could perhaps see Remus? Possibly. Yes, it was. But that's all right, she decided, turning on the spot and Apparating outside of Order headquarters. She was only slightly embarrassed by her elevated pulse, and trying to prepare herself for his absence.

She tapped the door with her wand and stepped in right on the creaking spot, but, mercifully, did not knock over the troll leg umbrella stand. She walked downstairs and saw Molly and Arthur were having a (rather tense) breakfast with Sirius.

"Morning!" he said, sitting at the table.

"Good morning, Tonks," said Sirius, looking genuinely glad to see her.

"Can I get you some tea, dear?" asked Molly, already bustling about at the stove to make her eggs and toast, despite Tonks's assurances she'd already eaten.

"I have to go to work," said Arthur, wiping his mouth with a napkin. "See you there, Tonks?"

"Might pop in this afternoon," she replied, as Molly put a plate of eggs, bacon and toast in front of her, along with a steaming mug of tea.

Arthur gave Molly a swift peck on the cheek, waved goodbye to Sirius and ran up the steps.

Tonks reached for her fork, knocking the plate into her mug, causing tea to slosh onto the table, but it didn't fall over and Tonks considered that a tucked in quite happily, considering she really had eaten breakfast once that morning. Tonks was always hungry. Her legendary hunger had been a source of consternation for her mother and amusement for her father.

"It's delicious, Molly, thank you," she said, after swallowing a large mouthful of toast. Will Remus and the kids be joining us soon?" she asked, hoping she sounded casual.

"I'll be waking everyone soon, but Remus won't be back until the meeting," said Molly, appearing to be watching Tonks quite closely. She must not have come off as casually as she'd hoped. "Well," continued Molly, "I'll go wake them. Be back in a mo," and she disappeared.

"Tonks," said Sirius, "I want to talk to you about Lupin."

Wow, she must have _really_ not pulled off casual. Was she that obvious?

"All right," she said.

"Lupin is my best mate, and no one who knows him would say you could do better, but you should know he will second-guess your relationship forever."

"What relationship?" she squeaked, her mouth suddenly dry.

"He fancies you, doesn't he? I thought it was obvious at that meeting, the way he was staring at you."

Tonks blushed, looking down at her plate.

"Well, if I'm wrong -"

"You're not," she mumbled to her eggs.

She had the distinct feeling that Sirius was grinning as he said, "Didn't think so. Just know that he considers himself disgusting and tainted. Like I said, no one that knows him thinks that, but he does. He's always been very down on himself for being a werewolf. He thinks he's like the people he spends time with, though he's not. I just want you to be aware."

"Thanks, Sirius," she said, sincerely.

"Don't mention it."

The Weasleys, Harry and Hermione trooped into the kitchen, all talking loudly now they were out of the entrance hallway. Mrs. Weasley got them all breakfast, and as they ate the table became more and more boisterous. By the time the crumbs were gone the kids were all yelling and laughing and throwing silverware at each other.

After the first fork was thrown, Mrs. Weasley yelled, "_Quiet!" _The kids stopped and looked at her_. _"Thank you. Ginny, George, I'd like it if you two could go with Sirius to deal with that armoire - I think it's hiding something. The rest of you, and you too, Tonks, if you'd like, come with me to the attic. I've been hearing something up there and I don't know what it is."

George hastily stowed a bottle of what looked like Stinksap in his pocket, and he and Sirius walked away. Mrs. Weasley waved her wand and cleared the table, then they all followed her up several flights of stairs to the attic.

"What d'you reckon Kreacher's making the noise to lure us into a trap?" Tonks heard Harry ask Ron, who was in front of her.

"He's probably up there muttering about blood traitors and holding a cleaver," said Ron.

Harry laughed, and Tonks smiled too, but Hermione had heard the exchange as well and chastised the pair until they reached the attic door. Molly put her ear to the door, listening and holding a hand up for silence.

"I don't hear it," she said. "It must sleep in the day." She pulled out her wand and everyone else did the same. "_Alohamora_," she said, tapping the door, and it swung open. Everyone filed into the attic after her.

Tonks peered around into the gloom, her wad at the ready. There were windows on the far side of the attic, but they were shuttered. The only light seeped in from the cracks. "_Dissendium_," Tonks said, pointing her wand at the shutters, which flew open a lot more forcefully than she'd planned, banging against each other and sending billowing clouds of sparkling dust into the air.

Light flooded the attic, and everyone blinked at the brightness.

"Well," said Molly, "Let's crack on then, and they spread out, everyone's wands out, looking for the source of Molly's mysterious noises.

About five minutes later, Tonks heard a loud spluttering and whipped around. Twenty feet away, a slimy ghoul was strangling Hermione. Her feet were scrabbling for purchase and her face was turning red.

"_Everte Statum_!" Tonks yelled, and the ghoul flew backward, hitting its head on the wall and slumping, unconscious, to the floor. Everyone clapped, except Hermione, who was rubbing her throat gingerly. They all gathered in a circle around the now snoring and snuffling ghoul.

"How do we get rid of it?" asked Ginny, looking at Tonks.

Tonks grinned. "Allow me." She pointed her wand at the ghoul, sending a jet of water and soap at the ghoul, which vanished into a disgusting puddle of muck. Tonks saw Fred bend down and scoop some of the muck into a bottle, while Molly's back was turned.

"All right?" Ron asked Hermione, who nodded.

They went to go check on Ginny, George and Sirius, who were pushing the armoire back into place.

Ginny's hair was mussed and George had a long scratch down one cheek, Sirius was sporting a purple bruise around one arm.

"Devil's Snare," Ginny panted, by way of explanation. "Looks like some sort of secret passage but it's all grown over halfway through."

Molly made lunch for them all and Tonks tried to help, but kept knocking over the oversized platter until Molly, after repairing the platter for the third time, told Tonks to sit down and have a cup of tea. A little dispirited, Tonks sat down in Sirius's seat, who had leapt up to help Molly in her place. She forgot her dejection when she realized the table was talking about the upcoming Harpies v. Puddlemere U match.

Tonks didn't have time to stop by after that. Her desk week was over, and she'd been assigned to a new case. She was very busy trying to track down a rogue dementor who was Kissing Muggles as he swept up the countryside. It was horrifying. She had to gather testimony from the Muggle families of the victims and then remove their memories oftheir soulless loved ones, and wait for Magical Law Enforcement teams to arrive and cart the empty humans to St. Mungo's. She finally found the horrid thing five days later in Wales, a total of six Muggles soulless husks, in St. Mungo's for the rest of their lives.

Longing to put off the summary for that case, Tonks was quite glad to be assigned to night watch for the Order that week. As exhausted as she was each morning, it made it much harder to think while at her desk. After two days of constant yawning, Scrimgeour called her into his office.

"Good afternoon, Tonks, please have a seat," he said, gesturing at a chair in front of his desk.

She sat. His yellowed eyes surveyed her for a moment. "Your colleagues inform me you took a nap at your desk for your lunch break."

Tonks flushed. "Is that not allowed, sir?"

Scrimgeour smiled, still managing to look grim. "We'd rather you napped at home. Why are you so tired, Tonks?"

Merlin's pants, what was she supposed to say to that? It's this dementor case, sir, I haven't slept in days."

"Ah." Scrimgeour nodded in sympathy. "Hold on a tic. There you are, a sleeping potion. No Auror should be without. Only when you're deskbound, of course."  
"Thank you, sir!"

"Get some sleep, Tonks - at home!"

Tonks grinned and walked back to her desk, thinking. The case had given her an ironclad excuse to appear so tired, but now she had this potion she didn't know what to say. It was too late to get a replacement tonight, but she would have to go to headquarters the next morning and ask for a replacement. That night, Tonks was only able to stay awake knowing she would get to see Remus the next day. She was missing the meeting to guard the prophecy, but Kingsley would tell her what she missed. She hoped Remus wouldn't leave again and resolved to arrive at headquarters as soon as her shift was over. Podmore relieved her, still looking odd.

Fourteen hours later, Tonks walked into Number Twelve Grimmauld Place, pulling her invisibility cloak off once inside. Someone else was in the hallway. It was Remus!

She smiled and grabbed his hand. He smiled too, a little sad-looking and pulled her into a very close hug.

A/N: Sorry no Tonks and Remus this chapter, but hopefully you liked my take on it! Please review, an author needs to hear reviews! Constructive criticism always welcome, of course. So is praise! ;)


	9. Different

Tonks held the hug as long as she could, feeling a little dizzy as she drank in his distinct scent; bayberry and something underneath, something feral and wild. Then he let her go, looking awake again.

"Did you go with you werewolves?" she whispered.

"Yes," he whispered back, holding her shoulders. She slipped her arms around his waist. "I heard you tracked down that dementor. Impressive, Nymphadora."

She felt her smile broadening, wondering if she looked like an idiot, and not able to stop. "Thanks, Remus. What did I miss in the meeting?"

Remus frowned. "Sirius wanted to escort Harry to his hearing." Tonks raised her eyebrows in disbelief. "My thoughts exactly," said Remus. "And Dumbledore's. Mundungus mentioned that a lot of people are leaving London. Apparently there's a new criminal overlord and no one's seen him, but Mundungus's contact are disappearing left and right. Hestia was accosted by someone, she's all right," he added hurriedly. "This wizard knew she was close to Dumbledore and I guess the conversation got pretty heated and he jinxed her. She knows him, she was very upset." Tonks made a mental note to call on her when she could. "And, of course, today is Harry's haring. If he is expelled, which Dumbledore does not deny is a possibility, we will have to escort him back to the Dursley. Sirius fought for Harry staying here at headquarters, but Dumbledore is adamant that he return to his aunt and uncle. Dumbledore and myself will explain the situation to the Dursleys, if we must." He paused, looking thoughtful. "That's it, I think, I can't remember anything else."

"Excuse me," said Tonks, and she put her face on his chest and yawned, a great big yawn she had been holding in while Remus talked. She resurfaced, giggling. "Sorry."

He was smiling. "Come on, let's go get some breakfast. Harry will be down in a moment, Molly just woke him."

Molly, as was her custom, made Tonks some breakfast and a cup of tea. SIrius was moodily tearing his toast to crumbs. No one was speaking to him. Arthur was telling Molly about a book he had just read, an automobile manual, and Molly was dutifully ignoring him.

"How was duty last night, Tonks?" she asked, cutting Arthur off. Remus sat beside Tonks, but was looking worriedly at Sirius.

"Fine, thanks," Tonks replied. She took a big gulp of tea. "I'm knackered from this dementor case," she was stifling a yawn. Harry appeared, coming down the stairs. "And I'll have to tell Dumbledore I can't do the shift tonight," she said, giving in to the yawn. "I'm just too tired." Harry sat across from her, next to Sirius. "Wotcher, Harry."

"'Lo, Tonks."

Molly put some toast in front of him. Everyone tried to bolster him up a bit. He looked like he was going to be sick or faint, or both. Tonks felt for him. Remus was being so kind. She could tell Harry had a lot of respect for him, which filled her with pride, as though Remus was already hers.

Finally, Arthur announced it was time to go. Harry asked if Sirius could come.

"Dumbledore said no," said Molly, "and I must say, I think he's -"

"Quite right," finished Sirius, looking very sour indeed. He didn't even look up as Harry and Arthur left. Tonks felt the familiar twist of pity and embarrassment for him. How _could_ he think Dumbledore would agree to Sirius going to the Ministry itself? It was almost laughable, if you thought about it, so Tonks didn't.

Arthur had agreed to fill in for her, so Tonks didn't need to stay to contact Dumbledore. She needed to get to work. She briefly considered calling in sick, but decided against it. Scrimgeour would only become more suspicious about her lack of energy, now that he had given her that sleeping potion.

Remus rose with her when she announced she was leaving, fifteen minutes, and another cup of tea, later.

"Thanks, again, Molly," she said. She stopped by Sirius and put her hand on his shoulder, leaning toward his ear. "The day will come when you leave this house for good," she said, quietly, so Molly couldn't hear her. Remus, standing by the stairs, politely pretended not to hear.

Sirius tried to smile, but it faltered into a grimace, and he merely patted her hand.

Tonks followed Remus up the stairs. He opened the door for her and walked her to the sidewalk.

"I can't come with you," he said. "I think Sirius would like the company of someone other than Molly. I don't know what Dumbledore's playing at, keeping him cooped up like this. I wholeheartedly agree he should go nowhere near the Ministry, but it's only a matter of time before he gets impulsive and reckless." He sighed.

"You're a good friend, Remus. How long will you be in London this time?"

He smiled. "A couple of weeks."

"Let's get together. I can't tonight, I'm dead on my feet. How's Friday?"  
Remus drew in a deep breath. She looked so hopeful and he couldn't bear to douse that hope. What was he doing? For her own good he needed to separate himself from her. "Sure, that sounds great. Why don't I pick you up at your place around seven?"

She beamed at him, looking like a sky at sunrise. He thought her hair might be getting even brighter as he watched. "I'd love that." She stood on her toes and kissed him. He returned the kiss briefly, and disengaged himself.

"I'll see you Friday."

"Bye, Remus." She turned and walked away, looked around for Muggles, and Disapparated.

Lupin wanted to go in and talk down Sirius, who was fuming, he knew. He needed advice, too, on how to extricate himself from this situation. He had been so sure she would decide against him after his absence that he hadn't even considered the possibility she might want to continue seeing him. No witch had ever dated him after finding out he was a werewolf. He had tried, as a much younger man, but as soon as he disappeared for three days, so did his girlfriends. He had dated a fellow werewolf once, but that had ended...badly. He had never encountered a woman so thoroughly unconcerned with his condition. And she should be concerned. He was literally a monster. Tales of his kind were told to frighten.

With a heavy sigh, he went back inside the house. The kids had woken up and were eating breakfast, but Sirius was not present. He found his friend in his mother's room feeding Buckbeak.

"Sirius," he said, coming in and sitting in an armchair across from the bed, where Sirius sat. "I'm not intruding, am I?"  
"Of course not," said Sirius, rather gruff.

"Listen, Tonks is right, the Ministry will one day realize that Voldemort is back. You need never come back to this house."

Sirius hung his head. He gave a great, world-weary sigh and sat up straight, leaning against a bed post and crossing his arms against his chest. His indolent posture and smug smile were so familiar, Lupin could see right past twelve years of Azkaban prison, to his young friend, when it had been a quartet, instead of a duo.

"What else does Tonks say, Moony?"

Lupin flushed. "I don't understand."

"You seem to be spending a lot of time with my fair cousin. Holding doors open, ogling her when you think no one's looking." Sirius's smug smirk deepened considerably. Lupin could feel a shifty grin forming on his own face and then hated himself. How dare he allow himself to feel happy at that bright young woman's demise? He was an old fool, allowing himself to be teased like a schoolboy.

"It's not a laughing matter, Sirius." Sirius gave a barking laugh. "Snuffles, please, help me. I don't know what to do."

"You mean for a date? Or do you need an explanation of what happens between a man and a woman?"

Lupin felt his face heat scarlet, and leapt to his feet in his agitation. Buckbeak flapped his wings irritably at the sudden movement, but Sirius rubbed his flank soothingly and the hippogriff quieted.

"I'm perfectly serious," said Lupin. "This girl can't - or won't - see me for what I am. A life with me would destroy her utterly. Can't you understand? I started something, and I _must_ end it. I must, before it gets too serious. I'll never be able to live with myself if I hurt her."

Sirius was serious now. "Well, you've got a problem then, Moony. You think you'll hurt her by being with her, but I _promise_ you'll hurt her if you break it off. She fancies you. She's an adult, she knows what she's getting into. Why don't you just enjoy yourself, for once?"

Lupin almost shouted in his frustration, but remembered himself. He must not lose his temper. He _would _ not lose his temper. The beast had him thirty-six days a year, why should it be allowed access to the rest of his time as well?

As calmly as he could, he said, "It's not a question of enjoyment. It's a question of right and wrong. My disease touches every aspect of my life. She would have to support us, would have to lie for me. Even if she thinks that wouldn't bother her, it would eventually. It bothers the bloody hell out of _me_, and I've been living with it for almost thirty years now. It would drive her to hate me. I just...I can't allow my pathetic existence to taint hers."

Sirius watched him as he sank back into the chair. "You are a human being," he said. "It is perfectly natural for you to fall for another human being. Yes, you are a werewolf, and, unfortunately, that's a big deal in our world, and it _does _make things hard for you. But you still deserve to be happy, and Tonks _wants_ to be happy with _you. _You're not marrying tomorrow, so why don't you just...see how it goes? Maybe she'll decide you're a git and fall for a vampire instead."

Lupin laughed. He couldn't help it. He could feel his tension dissipating at his friend's words. He still didn't see how his happiness should come at the expense of Tonks's (and that he would eventually make her very unhappy he did not doubt). However, Sirius had echoed Tonks's view so effortlessly, it had jarred him. Dating was not a commitment. Perhaps he could date her. Undoubtedly, once he transformed, after spending weeks away from him whilst he spent time with other werewolves, she would tire of him. She would recognize the beast within and run. He would have to tame his wilder instincts...he swore to never be alone with her in private. She would at least be spared that.

Despite all his objections, he could not deny the thought of dating, of spending time with another person and building a connection (however ephemeral) made him feel like a very heavy weight was lifting. Tonks was like sunshine, and he had been stuck in the dark a long time.

"Moony? Are you still with us?" Sirius was waving his hands in the air as though signaling to a landing airplane.

"Yes, I…" he laughed. "Sorry, I was lost in thought."

Sirius laughed too. "No need to apologize. You look happy though. Did you decide to go for it then?"

Lupin thought. "I guess there's no harm in seeing where it goes," he said with a smile and Sirius whooped. "But if it goes down a serious path -"

"You'll cross that bridge when you come to it," Sirius said firmly.

"And I won't. There's no way she will love me once she knows me."

Sirius said nothing. He knew his friend too well and had had this conversation with him too many times. He hoped Remus was wrong, but it was hard to know. Certainly, Lupin's life would be difficult for any romantic partner. He hoped for Lupin's sake that Tonks was different.


End file.
